Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Things you should never say to a Preggo

I really wanted to compile a list of things that really annoyed me during my pregnancy. To be fair, I think people who have never been pregnant do not know any better and people who have given birth should be reminded of better... so the purpose of this post is to actually REMIND all of us- including myself of the things we should keep to ourselves!

1) Can I touch your belly?
It's pretty awkward having someone touch your belly- unless the preggo says to you "my baby is kicking, here feel my belly" do not volunteer, its not exactly comfortable having someones hands all over your abdomen.

2) Aren't you scared?
I remember going to a family picnic where a girl asked me this repeatedly, I actually got really pissed off at this and said "I am actually more scared of people like you, why are you even asking me that" and walked away, I can't remember the last time I publicly told someone off but I was in my third trimester and could careless. It is not a productive question and it will not make the preggo feel any better- so do not bring up this point!

3) What are you naming him/her?
No one likes to give up their baby name... somethings are fun being left as surprises. Plus, when we do have the courage to share the name you might hear "I don't like that name"... Do not forget that you will be a preggo one day too Inshallah, you will get to pick your own baby names. Keep your opinions to yourself unless of course asked.

4) Wow you have gained/lost a lot of weight!
It is bad enough commenting on a woman's weight alone and then you throw pregnancy in the mix.
If you are not a Nutritionist/Doctor or expect of any kind, you are actually not qualified to have an opinion. There are different reasons behind a preggos weight gain and weight loss- we cannot make assumptions without knowing the medical history of the preggo- so save your weight tips for yourself.

5) Any bad labor stories
If you don't have something good to say, don't say it at all! You have to remember, when you share a bad story or something you read/saw on t.v- it may stick with the preggo and actually traumatize their view of labor and birth. You have no right to do that and would not want anyone to do it to you, please think twice before you speak.

6) Was this planned?
Ummm, how about you mind your business?! Not sure why everyone was so interested in this one, planned or not the baby is obviously coming- so what does it matter now? This is a very personal topic and while you think it may be funny to joke about, lets remind ourselves that as Muslims there are boundaries that we just do not cross.

7) So when is the next one?
How about you let me have this one first!? Oh and it is especially annoying when the person asking has not even had her first child yet. What do I look like some sort of baby making machine?

8) Are you hoping for a boy/girl?
Really all any parent wants is a healthy baby at the end of the day. While there may be hopes for a girl over a boy- or vice versa, at the end of the day a healthy baby comes first. Do not make the preggo feel pressured to pop out a girl after already having two boys... I mean this is something the preggo has no control over, no point rubbing it in her face.

9) Your life is going to be so different now...
Ya think?! As if we did not already know that- your awkward silence is in no way going to help us prepare for what is to come, please do not forget to wear a sensitivity chip on your way out! Most parents to be are in the process of realizing the changes that are to come and while they may be anxious and nervous to leave their old life behind, they get to experience something that only THEY will understand... and if you ask any parent, I am sure they will tell you the trade was worth it... but that is something that people without kids cannot always understand.

10) Your STILL pregnant!?
Seriously... I may look huge, but I am still weeks away from giving birth. If I was close to giving birth, I might not actively be in attendance at every event, but obviously I am- which obviously means I am still very much pregnant. Stop trying to do the math in your head, you will hear about the birth, don't worry!

Remember, there are still alot of things you can say to preggos, but its all about how you say those things. Your tone/expressions and body language has a lot to do with it. Don't compare preggos- to regular woman, they are overly sensitive and its a hormonal thing, they can't help it... but you can!

What do you think is most annoying from my list? Feel free to add your own comments!


  1. Some annoying comments I got...

    1~ "You shouldn't take any medications." (Whenever someone said this, I'd worry and against my better judgment, I'd stop the medications and then get sicker).

    2~ "What the hell is wrong with her?" (I still can't believe someone said this when I was admitted to the hospital)!

    3~ "I told 'so and so' and 'so and so' that you're pregnant." (I wasn't telling anyone at that time).

    The best thing is to have a wonderful husband (like mine alhumduhlillah :) that stands up for you when people say ignorant stuff like this.

  2. Nice post! yeah one thing that annoyed me the most was when someone would come to visit n tell stories about how her sister got tired giving birth and she fainted n how the baby was under stress...I hate that one! i was 6 months pregnant at that time n had the most terrible nights after that!
    another thing with me was young age which is very common nowadays. People would hear about me being pregnant and go "oh abhi se?" and "abhi to ye itni choti hai"...sorry, what does THAT mean?? 'I'm Married!'. phew...
    and now that my girl has turned a year old, people have already started asking me about my plans of the next baby! 'ANNOYINNNGGG'!

    Jazakillah khair for the post. I got to 'let it out' :D

  3. I had really bad nausea in the first trimester. So bad that I was in bed the whole time except meals, washroom and salah. Someone told me it was all in my head. That pissed me off.

    "Wow you're really small!!"

    "It only gets worse." This one especially irritated me because I don't want you to tell me it gets harder. I know it gets harder. If you can't make me feel better at least don't make me feel worse.

  4. i used to haaate when ppl. asked me/ made comments like the above.. especially # 6... seriously, it really isn't their business.

    i felt like older women are especially unkind to you during pregnancy.. don't know why that is, perhaps they forget how uncomfortable it is to be pregnant.


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